Emotistical
by NadeshikoEverdeenHimeSama
Summary: Sakura wakes up craving cake at three in the morning and who does she call but the great and mighty Neji Hyuuga?


**Hey guys! Well, I felt like writing a one-shot dialogue fic. Why? Simply because they're easier to write and can made extremely funny under certain circumstances.**

**Okay, so definitely not my funniest piece of work, but it'll have to do for a ten minute write up.**

**Emotistical**

**By: Nadeshikoeverdeenhimesama**

**Pairing: SakuraxNeji**

(Phone rings and Neji picks up)

"Hello?"

"Hi there!"

"Haruno?"

"Neji?"

"… Yes?"

"… Do you have any cake?"

"What?"

"Do. –inhales- You have. –inhales- Any cake?"

"I heard you the first time. And stop acting like you have an asthma attack."

"Then why'd you say 'what'?"

"… Never mind. Why are you asking me if I have cake?"

"I want cake."

"… and you had to call me why?"

"Cause Hinata said you had cake."

"I don't have any cake Haruno."

"Sakura."

"What?"

"Call me Sakura."

"Why?"

"Just call me Sakura. Not Haruno. Cause it reminds me of that strip club down the street."

"There's a strip club down the street?"

"Yeah. Interested? I work there."

"Really now?"

"Yeah, but only on the weekends."

"I thought you worked at the hospital on the weekend."

"Yeah, well, sorta. I make clones sometimes and we switch places."

"So you're a stripper?"

"I prefer 'exotic dancer' thanks."

"Uh huh…" Silence.

"So no cake?"

"Are we really doing this at three in the morning Sakura?"

"Yes. So does that mean you have cake?"

"No."

"…I want cake."

"Go BUY some."

"But it's three in the morning."

"Then go back to sleep and buy it at a better time."

"But I want cake. It's a girl thing. We have to have our sweets."

"And what am I supposed to do about that Sakura?"

"Make me a cake."

"… No."

"Whyyyyyy?"

"Stop being so whiny."

"I'm not being whiny. You're just being emooooo."

"Sakura… are you drunk?"

"Nopes."

"Then why did I just hear you fall on the floor."

"I tripped over the cat."

"… You don't have a cat."

"Being a bit stalkerish now aren't we Neji?"

"… No. It's cause you told me that you hated cats."

"Touché."

"Go to bed Sakura."

"NO. I want my cake NOW. Bring me cake Neji."

"I don't have time for this right now!"

"Stop being so emo Neji."

"I'm not emo!"

"Sureeeee you're not. You're always broodin' all over da place and talking bout destiny and fate and stuff. It's not normal. Have you ever considered therapy?"

"I'm pretty sure the one that needs therapy right now is you."

"Nuh uh. I'm a doctor. Doctor's don't need therapists."

"You could always be that one exception."

"I don't like being the exception. I gots pink hair. That's an exception enough. And you have white eyes."

"Yes Sakura, I have white eyes. Did you just notice?"

"… Maybe. Which reminds me, you need to bring me cake."

"I refuse to bring you anything at this point."

"Bring it to me before I send Tsunade up on yo' finely sculpted ass."

"Did you just say my ass is finely sculpted?"

"… You heard nothing."

"… Well, that's okay, cause I know it is."

"Well aren't we egotistical."

"I'm not egotistical. I'm just confident."

"No, you're emo and egotistical. Emotistical. I like it."

"How many drinks have you had?"

"One… eleven… three… seventeen."

"SEVENTEEN?"

"Wow. I didn't know you knew how to scream Neji!"

"Sakura, seventeen drinks?"

"Why yes. How'd you know? You're stalking me aren't you? I always knew you had the hots for me."

"I don't have the hots for you Sakura."

"Sure ya don't. Everyone wants a piece of dis ass (smacks)."

"As nice as it is—"

"Ha! Neji Hyuuga admitted my ass is nice! I'm shouting it to the world!"

"NO! DON'T DO THAT!"

"Then admit it, you think I'm hot."

"… You're very attractive."

"HA! I KNEW IT! That's okay though cause you're pretty darn hot yourself."

"(smirks) I know."

"Your emotisticality is getting to your head. I could be your therapist and help you get rid of it."

"Emotisticality isn't a word."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"So?"

"I'm always right."

"… True dat. Then if you're always right, tell me, has chicken head slept with Roachy-chan yet?"

"… Probably. If he hasn't, he's already slept with that nerdy guy with the glasses."

"Shino?"

"No, the other one."

Silence. "Shino?"

"(facepalm) No. The other one. With gray hair. His name starts with a 'K' I think."

Silence. "Shino?"

"No, it was Kabuto. I think."

"I want a Kabuto. I could drive it. My cousin has one."

"… There's only one Kabuto."

"No, I meant like, the golf cart Kabuto. Those are pretty cool. I almost crashed one into a tree once. I think it was in your yard…"

"You're the one that ran over my rose bush?"

"It was a bush? Huh… I always thought it was a tree. Oh well."

"(sigh) I'm going to bed."

"NO. YOU CAN'T! I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES!"

"What kind of nightmares?"

"The ones that involve cuddly penguins gnawing off my toes."

"Penguins don't eat toes."

"You don't know that!"

"I'm always right remember?"

"Oh yeah… If you're always right, then what's my middle name?"

"…."

"Oh my god you guessed it right!"

"…."  
>"Neji-chan, are you dead?"<p>

"…."

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE! I'M COMING RIGHT OVER TO SAVE YOU!"

"No, wait I'm not—" (phone dead) "Oh shit."

(Door poundings)

"NEJI! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

"Sakura, stop pounding on my FACE."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I'm fine now. Go home."

"Nah. Cause you have cake. I smell it."

"No I don-! Don't go in there!"

"Oh. My. God. Your house is an effing bakery."

"(facepalm) All this stuff is for Hanabi's bakery sale tomorrow."

"I don't think it'd hurt to let me try one…"

"(smacks hand) Don't. Touch. My cake."

"Sheesh, touchy much?"

"No, I hate physical contact."

"(rolls eyes) You know, you really should eat some. Itsh delishusch."

"(eyes widen) DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH IT?"

"I didn't. I ushed chopshticks. (gulps) All done!"

"Good. You've eaten your cake. Now leave."

"Walk me home then."

"No."

"What happened to being a gentleman Neji!"

"You're not a woman so it wouldn't matter now would it Sakura?"

"(gasp) You did NOT just insult my femininity."

"(smirks) I believe I did."

"Well, if I'm a boy, then I believe you have just came out of the closet since you said I was hot and all."

"… I take it back."

"Which one?"

"The one where I said you were hot."

"…" (cracks knuckles)

"I mean the one where I insulted your womanly-ness."

"Thought so. So walk me home."

"You got here fine on your own."

"Psh, that's because I ran here with all this adrenaline stuff pumping through my blood to come and save your sorry ass from dying. Some thanks I get."

"I wasn't dying. You didn't save me. Besides, you got cake. I did YOU a favor."

"Hm…. Good point."

"… So are you gonna leave?"

"Nah. I think I'll bunk in your room."

"WHAT?"

"Hey, you screamed again!"

"Leave."

"But I'm afraid of the dark (T^T)"

"No you aren't."

"Yup, you're right. I just wanted to have a sleepover. I even brought my clothes and stuff! (insert loud thud here)."

"Sakura… did you plan all this?"

"… You caught me! You are definitely qualified to be ANBU captain!"

"… I already am ANBU captain."

"So?"

"(facepalm)"

"Yup, I'm feeling the love already Neji. So… I'm taking your bed. BYE!"

"Oh no you don't."

"What, you're gonna make a poor girl sleep on the floor?"

"No, you're going to sleep on the bed."

"Awwwwww!"

"At your house."

"… Way to ruin the mood Neji. Way to ruin it."

"There is no mood Sakura."

"There totally was! And then you ruined it!"

"… Sakura…"

"What?"

"Do you wanna kiss me as much as I wanna kiss you?"

"… Yes?"

"Good, cause I don't wanna kiss you."

"That's low Neji."

"What is?"

"Reverse Psychology."

"It's quite useful in circumstances."

"I don't care. Non-prodigies are very prone to get tricked by that!"

"… Whatever."

"Ooo! Neji! Your bed is really comfy!"

"Wait… when did you get over there?"

"… You're quite slow for a prodigy you know that Neji."

"It's like three in the morning. I'm supposed to be that way."

"But we're NINJA. You have to be alert at all time! You really have gone down in your ninja techniques…"

"My ninja techniques do NOT fail. I'm just tired."

"So am I and I'm doing just dandy Mr. Slow Reactions!"

"(twitch) I do NOT have slow reactions Sakura."

"Yeah, ya do."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

(thud)

"What was that for?"

"What?"

"Why'd you have to jump on me?"

"Good ninja would've seen that coming."

"You just randomly jumped on me!"

"Yeah, well, so do enemy ninja and you seem to block them just fine. Or is it my sexiness that's distracting you?"

"Oh, that's definitely it. Sarcasm intended."

"You're so in denial Mr. Slow Reactions."

"I don't have slow reactions!"

"You do!"

"(sigh) And if I have slow reactions, it's not like you're any better!"

"I am better than you!"

"Definitely not."

"I am!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

(thud)

"Neji… I feel the sexual tension radiating off of you."

"(twitch) What?"

"The sexual tension. You haven't gotten any in forever huh?"

"What does that have to do with the fact that I proved your reactions aren't as good as mine?"

"No, you definitely used that as an excuse to straddle me and have your way with me!"

"… Sakura… you've watched wayyy too many movies."

"I don't watch movies. I read fanfictions."

"(twitch) Oh god."

"What?"

"That… fanfiction crap!"

"What crap? It's a good website!"

"Yeah, for homos!"

"What do ya mean by that?"

"They wrote gay stories about me and… Lee and (shudders)."

"Awwww! But those are my favorite stories!"

"(twitches violently)"

"I was kidding."

"Oh. Good."

"So yeah, care to get off of me?"

"No."

"So we gonna do it or what?"

"What? No. Of course not."

"… It's cause you're gay isn't it."

"WHAT?"

"The great Neji Hyuuga is gay."

"What gave you that absurd idea?"

"One. You haven't raped me yet. Two. You haven't done anything to me. And three. You hate fanfiction."

"Not everyone wants to rape you Sakura."

"Yuh huh!"

"Like who?"

"Kiba, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, Sai, Jiraiya, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Shikamaru, Genma, Kotetsu, Izumo, Lee, Haku, Kimimaro, Kisame, Gaara, Kankur—"

"Did you name some of the Akatsuki?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"What gave you the idea that they'd want to rape you?"

"Oh, they told me."

"What?"

"Yeah… it was awkward. But they are pretty hot…"

"Sakura! They are S Class missing nin! You can't just go and screw them!"

"I'm not screwing them though. They just told me they'd rape me, then they tried to kidnap me and then Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, and Kaka-sensei saved me."

"And Haku? Isn't he dead?"

"Well... yeah. But we all know he'd have tapped me. (smirk)."

"And Sasuke? He's a fucking ice cube. He doesn't have hormones."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It says so right in the how-to-be-a-human-ice-cube-for-dummies book."

"What the fuck."

"Yeah. And Sai's an ice cube too!"

"Yeah, so? They admitted it. Did you know that the reason Sasuke and Sai are all, no emotions and shit and stuff? It's not cause of the clan massacre and root. Yeah, well, it's because of their sexual tension. It's shoved up their butt and they don't know how to get it out. Just like yours! (grins)"

"I do NOT have sexual tension!"

"Yeah, ya do!"

"Are you really doing this?"

"Yup! (kisses him)"

"(shocked but kisses back)"

"HA! SEXUAL TENSION!"

"Whatever Sakura. (kisses her)"

"What was that for?"

"Sakura, do you know how incredibly attractive you are?"

"Yup! (smirks)"

"(rolls eyes) Either way, I've had the biggest crush on you in forever."

"Aww! I knew it!"

"Sakura… I'm being serious."

"Oh. You were? Woops."

"Sakura, I really like you."

"You're not just saying that to get in my pants are you? Cause I don't give for free. It costs you 159.95 plus shipping and handling."

"SAKURA!"

"Oh sorry. But seriously, are you being for reals?"

"Yes, I'm being 'for reals' as you'd like to put it."

"Awwww, I like you too! Does that mean I get to sleep in your bed?"

"Well, does this mean you're my girlfriend?"

"I guess so. The boys are going to be sooo disappointed I'm taken…"

"(glares)"

"Eh, they'll get over it. (crashes on bed)"

"Ahhh, so soft!"

"(climbs onto bed next to Sakura)"

"(cuddles) You're warm."

"(hugs to chest) So are you."

"I love you."

"I love you too Sakura."

"Ha! I knew it!"

"Shut up Sakura. You're ruining the mood."

"Oh. Kay. … I want some more cake."

"(facepalm)"

**Meh. I had this format and it was like bugging me to finish it. It's kinda really bad but eh. Just had to get it out there.**


End file.
